


heaven knows i'm miserable now

by Anonymous



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Bottom Billy Hargrove, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Gay Billy Hargrove, Harringrove, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Smut, Top Steve Harrington, Touch-Starved, they're just stupid like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:07:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23223007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “He let me touch him.” Steve chokes through the lump in his throat, shaky hands holding the half-empty cup of coffee, he stands on wobbly legs as he stares outside the window, waiting to hear the roar of the Camaro before it’s parked in its rightful spot in the driveway.“What?” Hopper averts his gaze from Max, who’s sitting on the couch across from him, to Steve, who’s staring outside, helpless and heartbroken.“He let me touch him.” Steve replies, louder and clearer, maintaining a somewhat steady breathing pattern so he doesn’t break down right then and there, end up laying on his too-expensive cherry wood floors, sobbing and hiccuping in front of the people who trusted him.Because he knows - or he thinks he knows - that he disappointed them. And himself. He couldn’t do the one thing they asked of him, and he not only failed them, but he failed Billy.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------OR: basically hopper has billy crash with steve while he deals with neil and they fall in love <3 (and fuck)
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 21
Kudos: 326
Collections: Anonymous





	heaven knows i'm miserable now

**Author's Note:**

> ok SO i haven't written smut in a while i'm sorry if it's awkward HAHA
> 
> not beta read
> 
> title is from heaven knows i'm miserable now by the smiths

“He let me touch him.” Steve chokes through the lump in his throat, shaky hands holding the half-empty cup of coffee, he stands on wobbly legs as he stares outside the window, waiting to hear the roar of the Camaro before it’s parked in its rightful spot in the driveway.

“What?” Hopper averts his gaze from Max, who’s sitting on the couch across from him, to Steve, who’s staring outside, helpless and heartbroken.

“He let me touch him.” Steve replies, louder and clearer, maintaining a somewhat steady breathing pattern so he doesn’t break down right then and there, end up laying on his too-expensive cherry wood floors, sobbing and hiccuping in front of the people who trusted him.

Because he _knows_ \- or he _thinks_ he knows - that he disappointed them. And himself. He couldn’t do the one thing they asked of him, and he not only failed them, but he failed _Billy._

A month ago, his house phone started ringing. His clock read _1 A.M._ He hadn’t been sleeping - never does. He was probably too eager to answer, to hear the voice of another human being because he was so _sick_ and _tired_ of being alone in his own home, which was starting to feel more like a _house_ rather than a _home._ Hopper had called and asked him to come to the station. He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t one to question authority, _especially_ Hop, so, he went. When he arrived, he found the Chief sitting at his desk, hands clasped. The wood was chipping away at the corners of the desk, Billy picked at it every time he ended up in the Chief’s office. Hopper’s head was face down in an attempt to curb his frustration with the other fiery presence in the room.

Then, he saw Billy. He sat across from Hop, face hard and fists clenched at his sides, and mouth shut. Bruises littered his face, covered his freckles; Steve could see a hint of one on his ribs through his exposed top. There were small red gashes on his bottom lip, cheeks, and eyebrows. His nose was red, stained by dry blood. He tried to look menacing, but he just looked _small._

_Why am I here?_

“Hop?” He broke the silence, directing his gaze back to the man who was on the verge of an anger-fueled nervous breakdown. He figured it best to not stare at Billy too long, fearing that he would take offense to it and pounce on Steve in an attempt to guard himself. It happened before. 

“You called?” 

“Look, kid, before I ask you for any favors I just wanted to say sorry for calling so late and forcing you out of the house. It’s not exactly convenient.” He sighed, staring pointedly at Billy.

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it.” _I was up, anyways. I needed to get out of that house before I lost my mind._ “What’s up?”

“I found him,” Hop gestures towards Billy. “Sleeping in his car on private property. Someone called the station, I brought him in for trespassing.” He gives Billy a quick look, a look that Steve reads as a warning. “He got into it with his old man,” He pauses, shooting the fierce blonde a knowing look before he could protest. His mouth was open and ready to hurl insults at Hopper, but he quickly closed it when he earned a glare. “I’m not letting him go back to the fucker’s house until I’ve had a word with him on how to treat his goddamn kid. I need you to let him crash at your place.” A bomb’s been dropped.

Both Steve and Billy stare at the Chief, eyes wide and mouths agape. Billy’s getting ready to protest again, and Steve can’t help but wince at what he’s expecting the boy to spew.

_Fuck that. I’m not crashing at Harrington’s place. That’s bullshit. He’s bullshit._

That word still hurts him. Shakes him to his core.

Instead, he’s met with Hopper talking before Billy’s harsh words reach their ears.

“Look, I know you two don’t get along because of some high school popularity contest and you’ve roughed each other up before, _I know._ But _you,_ ” He points at Billy. “Need a damn place to stay because trespassing _private_ property and sleeping in your car isn’t cutting it anymore. And _you,_ ” He points at Steve. “Have an empty house to yourself. And _I_ got a kid who’s telling me you’re lonely. And _he’s_ got a sister,” _step,_ Billy quietly interrupts. “Who’s telling me that she’s worried about him.” He stares between the two teenagers. “So,” He clears his throat, leaning back nonchalantly. “You two are going to make up and have a nice extended sleepover while I sort shit out. No buts.” 

“ _But-!_ ” Billy tries.

“No.” Hopper is firm.

“ _But Chief-!_ ” He tries again.

“ _No._ ” 

Billy sits back in defeat, eyeing the keys that lay on the desk in between him and Hopper.

Hop’s quick to notice and grab them, store them away in his desk.

“You can pick up your keys tomorrow, with Steve.” 

All of them know why he’s not letting Billy drive. He’s not drunk - he’s fully sober. But, 

He can _run._

The drive back to the Harrington residence is silent. Steve’s got tired eyes on the road but he can see Billy fidgeting with the hem of his denim jacket, pulling at loose thread. The energy he’s radiating is _fuming._ His jaw is clenched shut, his hands are shaking, his whole body is tense. Steve doesn’t bother with music. Just keeps his mouth closed and eyes on the road.

Steve is anxious as he leads him to the front door, fumbling fingers trying to grab the key and open the door. It doesn’t help that he’s shivering. Eventually, the two are inside, and Billy just stops in the living room, scuffed black boots heavy on cherry wood. He looks rigid, unbelonging. 

“Look,” Steve sighs, finally breaking the silence. “It’s late and I just wanna sleep and you probably wanna do the same, so, there’s a guest bedroom connected to a bathroom upstairs and-”

“You don’t know _shit,_ Harrington.” Billy speaks, tone seething, dripping in hate. 

“You probably think you’re doing charity work, letting the powerless kid whose dad beats on him sleep in your expensive and empty house. I don’t need your fucking help.”

“I never questioned your power, Billy.” Steve states calmly. He’s terrified of getting his face beat in again, but he’s pushing boundaries because he just can’t see a hurt Billy inflict that same hurt onto him even though it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Learned my lesson the day at the Byers house.” He kept it straightforward. He knew neither of them wanted to talk, especially about the fight neither of them addressed. “I’m doing this for Hop. I owe him for keeping the kids safe. I think you owe him, too, since he got you a real bed to sleep in tonight.” He tried to read the boy’s expression, search in his icy blue eyes, but all he received was hate. He wasn’t sure if it was directed at him or at Billy himself. “So, like I was saying, upstairs, second door on your left. My room is right across in case you need anything.” _Because I probably won’t be asleep if you do._

Billy contemplates, eyes glancing between the lonely brunette with prominent dark bags under sad doe eyes, and the stairs that lead him up to a place to shower and sleep in, even if it is just for a couple nights like Hopper intended.

“We’re grabbing my keys first thing in the morning. Then I’ll fuck right off and we pretend this didn’t happen.” It was all too familiar for the two boys. “Got it?”

Steve barely nods before Billy is climbing up the stairs, listening to heavy boots dragging and stomping with loud thuds at every step until he jumps as the door slams shut. He makes his way upstairs, looking over the door - that he swore was still vibrating - before entering into his room, shutting his door softly. He toes his shoes off, tosses his jacket aside before climbing into the bed and pulling the sheets over him. Listening to the water fall as Billy had turned on the shower, comforted by the thought of someone else in the house, he’s oddly at ease. Steve falls asleep almost instantly.

He has nightmares that night.

He’s awoken by a panicked and wide eyed blonde who’s shaking him and calling him by his first name.

“Steve, _Steve._ ” He hisses. “Wake up, man. You’re dreaming. Wake up. Steve - _shit._ ” He almost sounds relieved when the dazed brunette opens his wet eyes and stares at the figure above him, the figure whose hands are still on his shoulders, heat burning into his cold body.

Steve feels like _shit._ He groans and rolls over, missing the feeling of Billy’s warm hands on him. He tries to talk, just chokes out a sob. He realizes it was his hyperventilated sobs that woke the other boy up, and he wasn’t surprised because they jolted him up every other night, too. Feeling like suffocating while alone is not a good feeling. 

It’s not much better when he’s in the same state with someone who couldn’t care less about him and would be out of his life just as quick as he got involved. 

Steve searches for comfort through his own cold hands, hugging himself and curling up into the fetal position. He tries hard to breathe, to get air through his lungs, but he’s straining. All he can do is let out another sob. 

Billy just panics and sits down next to the boy, unsure if he wanted to comfort or cry with him. Before he knows it, he’s pulling Steve up and into his arms. He feels the brunette’s body squirm and tremble underneath him, but he just pulls him close and hopes neither of them speak of this moment ever again. 

Before he knows it, Steve is slumped in Billy’s lap, holding onto him with a tight grasp, face pressed into his bare golden chest. 

“ _I can’t breathe._ ” He cries out, feeling his chest closing. 

Billy’s quick to take Steve’s cheeks in his hands, pull apart just enough so they’re making eye contact. The sight is heartbreaking; Big brown eyes are terrified and glossy, refusing to look up into baby blues. He wondered what Steve was seeing, what had frightened him. He didn’t ask.

“Hey, I’m right here, look at me.” He urged. “C’mon, princess, deep breaths. You’re okay, okay? I’m not goin’ anywhere. _Look at me._ ” While he’s demanding and persistent, there’s no bite in his voice. If Steve weren’t a pool of tears on Billy’s lap, he’d probably mock the unusual soft tone.

Steve looked into Billy’s eyes and, just for a second, everything felt okay. His chest was beginning to open back up, his violent cries turned into silent tears, his trembling hands stilled before reaching up and grabbing Billy’s. He thought Steve would pull his hands away from his red, damp cheeks, but, instead, he nuzzled into Billy’s warm hands, shutting his eyes as his breathing steadied.

It only lasted a second before Steve opened his eyes and pulled away. 

“Sorry.” He frowned, moving to get off Billy’s lap when he felt arms around him. He eased into Billy’s touch, growing nervous that he would attack - verbally or physically.

“I said I’m not going anywhere.” Billy was adamant. Steve just nodded.

It became routine for the two of them to end up together in one bed. The first week, Billy would sneak into Steve’s room if one, or both, of them had a nightmare. Steve did the same, sneaking into the guest room if he couldn’t sleep, woke up in the middle of the night, or simply longed for comfort. The second week, Billy had stopped sleeping in the guest bedroom altogether, automatically going to Steve’s bedroom when they grew tired.

It was odd. Steve craved the hands that beat him, that left him bruised and bleeding, seeking affection. They were big, warm. Protective. Billy made him feel safe, but it only happened at night. They acted normal - at least whatever was normal for them - throughout the day, barely spoke. When they did, they tossed insults at one another. Billy would complain about Hopper, how he hated staying with Steve, how he just wanted to leave. He never did, though, even after they got his car keys a few weeks back. Steve never questioned it. He liked the company, he didn’t feel alone. He guessed Billy felt the same way. They never talked about what went on between them at night, never talked about the way they held each other close, choking on tears until they fell asleep in a tangled mess and woke up in a similar position. 

Billy had become increasingly affectionate and bitter at the same time. One day in particular struck Steve’s heart whenever he thought about it.

“I just think you should talk to her. She’s your sister, she misses you. I can’t keep lying to her and telling her that you’ll call or visit soon.” Max had been asking Steve about Billy since he began sleeping over, worry written all over her face with every question.

“Step sister.” He corrected sharply. “Fuck off, Harrington. You don’t get to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. That’s not for you to decide!” 

“I know it’s not, but you have a right to know that she’s worried about you! And she deserves at least a call! I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I’m just telling you that Max cares about you. She misses you. Act like an asshole all you want, but don’t treat her like shit and leave her hanging.” He huffed, shaking his head and rubbing at his eyes. The dark bags were beginning to subdue, he looked and felt more awake.

“You’re already treating me like a charity case by letting me stay in this house, I don’t need you acting like my damn therapist.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “You think I don’t know why you let me stay? You think I don’t see how pathetic and sad you are? God, Harrington, you hang around kids because no one can stand to be around you! Maybe Wheeler was right. You’re bullshit.” Billy immediately regretted his words, but he didn’t take them back.

Steve just froze, mouth agape as he stared at Billy. He felt his breath hitch, arms instinctively hugged himself in search for comfort as his eyes glossed over.

“Fuck you.” Steve breathed, nearly choking on a suppressed sob before he shoved past Billy and locked himself in his room. 

They didn’t sleep together for a couple days, after the fight. Avoiding each other, which wasn’t hard in the big house, merely coexisting. They both stayed up at night, unable to sleep. About three days later, Billy found Steve in the kitchen, shaky hands pouring himself a cup of coffee. That was the first day he began showing small signs of affection. He came up behind Steve, who was trying his best to ignore the other presence, and rested a hand on the small of his back, rubbing gentle circles as blue eyes shut tightly. Mumbling _I’m sorry, princess,_ he felt Steve’s breath hitch under his hand. 

“It’s okay.” Steve’s voice was soft as he turned around. He went to cup Billy’s face, halting once he noticed Billy had flinched and backed away from his touch. He gave him a sad smile, the realization that Billy is a broken soul hitting him. Every touch he felt had been with intent to hurt him, to make him feel worthless and unloved, it broke Steve’s heart. He knew that the only time he could touch Billy was when they were in bed, half asleep and soaking in each other’s comfort. 

Instead, he handed the mug to the unnerved blonde with frightened icy eyes, sighing contentedly when he took it and their fingers brushed. That small skin-to-skin contact was enough, it had to be.

They slept together again that night. Neither of them had nightmares.

As the days went by, the brunette became accustomed to the small affections he received. He longed to reciprocate, to let Billy know that he was loved, even though neither of them had realized that they were slowly falling in love with each other. 

He kept his hands to himself when Billy would grab his waist from behind, when the blonde would lay an electric hand on his shoulder, when he playfully poked at Steve’s stomach when they cuddled on the couch in a position that Billy curled both of them into while they watched a movie. Steve knew his boundaries, he knew he had to let Billy initiate every touch, every cuddle, but it didn’t make it any easier. He wanted to hug his new companion, to whisper sweet murmurs into the broken boy’s ear about how grateful he was that he came into his life, about how loved he truly was. He didn’t, though. _Couldn’t._ He gladly took whatever Billy would give, whether it was getting tangled into a cuddle, small touches on his waist, hips, or shoulders, or the poking and playful fighting.

They had sex about three weeks later. It started off as a play fight while Steve cooked dinner. Billy had been in a particularly delightful mood that day. He finally called Max and she gave him the news that Hopper had paid Neil a visit before dragging him down to the station with a bruise plastered on his face. No one asked Hop any questions about it. 

“Come on, Hargrove.” He whined as he stirred the pasta sauce Billy helped him make. “You can’t just poke my ribs and try to shove me when I’m in front of the stove.” He huffed, turning to look back at the energetic blonde behind him, who just rolled his eyes in response.

  
  


“You’ve always been such a brat, pretty boy. You know you like it.” He ran his tongue along his bottom lip, which Steve would have called gross about a month ago, but now he just wanted Billy’s tongue down his throat. He came to terms with his attraction towards Billy, which was emotional _and_ sexual, but the two still hadn’t comprehended that they were very domestic and very in love. 

“‘S not my fault I can’t keep my hands off. You’re so fuckin’ pretty.” He purred, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist and pressing his hips against him from behind. He searched Steve’s expression for a second, looking for any signs that he should stop and back away. Instead, all he found was a blush and brown eyes blown out with lust. He slid his hands down and under the waistband of the brunette’s sweats, keeping them over his underwear, feeling the imprint of Steve’s hardening dick on the palm of his hand. 

“Billy,” Steve whispered hesitantly. He was getting very turned on very fast and he wasn’t sure where this was going, but he really hoped it was his bedroom. He felt shivers down his spine when the boy behind him pressed soft kisses along his neck, humming in reply before biting down on the skin where his neck and shoulders met. 

The brown eyed beauty was quick to turn the stove off, backing up into Billy’s touch until his back was against his chest and he felt the blonde’s hardened dick, letting out a small moan. He always wondered if Billy wore underwear under those gray sweats, and his question was answered when they stumbled up into Steve’s room and helped each other undress. They kissed roughly and passionately, grabbing at each other, _feeling_ each other. Billy didn’t flinch or back away when Steve lustfully grabbed his face with gentle hands and, lips still pressed together, breathed out,

“ _I love you._ ”

Billy didn’t back away, didn’t give into the doubts in his head. _I’m unlovable_ turned into _I’m loved._ He pressed another kiss to Steve’s pink lips, reddening them as he bit down on his bottom lip. 

“I love you too, Princess.” He whispered into Steve’s lips.

Then, he sunk down to his knees. He ignored Steve’s whines and protests, shutting him up as he took his dick in his hand, slowly jerking it as he stared up, ocean eyes locked on dark honey. He licked from the base to the tip before he took Steve in his mouth. He moved slow, his own dick throbbing at the filthy whines and pleads that left the boy’s mouth as he teased him.

“Billy,” he breathed out weakly. “Billy, _please._ ” He whined, reaching down and grabbing a handful of those blonde curls. He moaned as Billy began to bob his head, trying to keep his hips from involuntarily twitching. He winced when he felt teeth graze over his base, tightening his grip on messy blonde hair. 

Steve let out a pitchy whine when Billy halted, staring up at him expectantly, dick still halfway in his open mouth. He had taken his hands off of Steve’s hips, no longer steadying him in place. “What ha-” oh. _Oh._ Realization sparked in his expression and suddenly things were filthy because Steve was now face fucking Billy, roughly pulling at his hair and hitting the back of his throat as he drooled and moaned around the quite impressive dick in his mouth. It was pretty and pink, long and slender, just like Steve. 

“I’m - _fuck_ \- close.” Steve warned, feeling the knot grow in his stomach. Billy had other plans, though, because in a swift motion, he was on his feet and pulling the brunette towards the bed. He wanted to push Steve down, to climb on top of him, but he ended up on his back with Steve hovering over him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear as his hands explored his toned and tan body. 

“So fucking beautiful.” Steve whispered as he kissed down Billy’s jaw and neck, sucking down on a swatch of sensitive skin. “You know that?” He earned a small hum in reply before roughly biting down on the stimulated blonde’s collarbone, licking and sucking at it before priding himself on the deep purple and blue mark he had left. He kissed down Billy’s body, licking, sucking, and biting any and every crevice he could get into. He made sure to leave a mark on his hip bone before kissing and licking at the tip of his dick. He didn’t know what he was doing, but the boy under him was eager and moaning, so he figured he was doing something right.

“Steve,” Billy breathed out, squirming under his touch. “God, Steve, _fuck me._ ” He groaned, bucking his hips up and pressing his dick against Steve’s cheek, searching for friction.

Steve knew that was his cue to reach into the dresser beside his bed and pull out a bottle of lube, staring up at Billy with loving eyes. He bit his red lip before coating his fingers, rubbing the excess on Billy’s hole. He circled around the entrance with his index finger before slowly pushing in. He gave the boy time to adjust, to writhe under his touch until he stilled, silently pleading for more. The brunette was quick to give in, pushing his finger into Billy, twisting and curling it as he stretched him out. 

“You’re doing so good, baby.” He praised, leaning down and kissing Billy’s inner thigh as he worked a second finger in. “So fucking hot.” He murmured against his skin before sucking down, scissoring his fingers in and out. 

Underneath him, Billy was a _mess._ He was moaning, whining, pleading for more, trying to push his hips down and fuck himself with Steve’s fingers, dick throbbing against his stomach as his thighs twitched while being bitten. He spread his legs even wider, allowing for a third finger to be squeezed in. He couldn’t help the embarrassing moan that left his lips when Steve grazed his sweet spot, twitching underneath him.

“I’m ready - _fuck_ \- I’m ready.” He whined, grabbing and tugging at Steve’s hair to pull him up. “Please, baby. I wanna feel you. I want you inside me.” He knew he sounded like an absolute _slut_ , but he didn’t care. Couldn’t find time to care when Steve was biting down on his other thigh before leaning up and pressing a hot kiss to his lips, all while lubing his dick up and pressing it to Billy’s entrance. He wanted to move slow, to ease his way into the blonde and make sure he didn’t hurt him, but Billy Hargrove does not do slow and steady. He likes it rough and hard, filthy and dirty. 

Billy grew impatient and flipped them over, straddling Steve and trapping him between his bruised thighs, ignoring Steve’s whines and protests.

“You’re such a fucking brat.” Billy reached back and grabbed Steve’s dick, lining it up at his hole before sinking down, letting out a moan as he bottomed out, taking half a second to adjust before slowly riding up and down, breathing unsteady as he found his pace.

“Such a - _ah_ \- a tease.” He rested his hands on Steve’s chest, which had its fair share of bruises and bites that trailed from his jaw down to his hips. They were both possessive and teethy. 

Steve was moaning and whining under Billy, trying to still his hips, letting the blonde go at his own pace. He resorted to grabbing at the thighs that bracketed his hips, squeezing the soft and supple parts. He loved Billy’s thighs, maybe even a little more than his ocean blues that looked so beautiful under his long, pretty eyelashes.

“You’re so pretty, baby. All mine.” Steve ran his hands along Billy’s body. He squeezed his butt, thighs, and hips, honey brown locked on icy blue. He sat up once Billy maintained his pace, riding Steve fast and hard. Wrapping his arms around the boy’s waist, Steve thrusted up every time Billy slammed back down, skin hitting each time. He pressed their bodies closer together before taking the blonde’s nipple into his mouth, earning a whiny moan as he sucked down.

Billy was close, so fucking close. Steve had been pounding into him, hitting his prostate with every thrust. He grew sloppy, pressing wet kisses to the brunette’s lips and neck. He propped his chest forward, nipples oversensitized as Steve sucked and scraped his teeth against one and pinched at the other. 

He came. Untouched and _hard._

“ _Fuck-_ ” He cried out, cum pooling at his stomach. His ass clenched around Steve’s dick as he came, and Steve wasn’t far behind him, squirting hot cum into Billy. They moaned against each other, hips slowing and twitching to ride out their orgasms. His thighs were trembling against Steve, ready to give out until he leaned down and licked Billy’s cum off of his stomach. Steve caught the boy when he gave out, falling forward and into him. 

Billy winced when Steve slid out of him, lubricated with a mixture of cum and lube. 

“Fuck, I - shit.” Steve groaned, pressing his face into Billy’s neck. “I forgot the condom.” Billy’s laugh came as a lively surprise. 

“I’m clean, Princess. Don’t have to worry.” He reassured. “I’ve always wanted you to come in my ass. You’re fucking hot and your dick is huge. You did me a favor, pretty boy.” His words were breathy as he rolled off Steve and stood up, grinning when he caught Steve staring at the cum that ran out of his ass and down his thigh with wide eyes and dilated pupils.

“God,” Steve paused. “I love you.” It was all he could utter out. Billy looked so beautiful in front of him, and his cum running down Billy’s body was just the cherry on top.

“I love you too, you fuckin’ sap.” Billy laughed, no edge in his voice. He stared back at Steve with the same expression, pupils dilated with pure lust and love. He walked towards the bathroom, feeling brown eyes trailing him. He stood in the doorway, back to Steve as he looked over his shoulder and smirked.

“You’re not gonna join me?” He winked before walking into the bathroom and turning the water on. Steve was on his feet and in the bathroom with Billy within seconds. They spent most of the shower kissing and cuddling, but Steve insisted on cleaning the other boy’s body with gentle, soapy hands, running shampoo-lathered fingers through his hair. Billy did the same for him. 

Billy was gone the next morning. Steve woke up to an empty bed, Billy’s spot still warm and soaked in his scent - feminine cologne, cigarettes, and cherries - and his body’s imprint visible. Except, he wasn’t there, and neither was his Camaro. 

Steve spent the whole morning failing to set his anxieties aside. He told himself that Billy might’ve just stepped out for air and would be back soon, it was something he did often. But, this time was different. He let Steve touch him, really touch him for the first time last night. They had sex for the first time last night. Steve told him he loves him for the first time last night. _Twice._

Was it all too much for him? Did Steve do too much, _say_ too much? Did he scare Billy away with his overbearing words and emotions? Did he fuck up another one of his relationships - if you could even call whatever they had a relationship? He didn’t know where they stood, if they even stood. He gave Billy the benefit of the doubt, hoping he would be home for dinner. 

But, when dinnertime rolled around, and there was still no sight of the Camaro, his anxieties got the best of him. He called Max, in hopes of him being with her, which proved to be a dumb idea because the second he heard _Billy’s not here_ he felt his chest tighten and he _knew_ something was wrong. He thanked Max, keeping himself composed until he called Hopper. 

He broke the second he heard Hop’s voice, crying incoherently into the phone. _He left. He left. He’s not here, I don’t know where he is. He’s not home._ He let tears fall as the Chief failed to calm him down, instead telling him that he would be at Steve’s house soon and to _Hang tight, kid. He’ll be fine, he always is._

Steve had somehow managed to collect himself while waiting for Hop, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of the man whose kid he drives around, hangs out with, and protects. He had to appear calm, so that’s exactly what he did. 

He instantly opened the door when he heard the knock, surprised to find both Max and Hopper before him. He looked down, sighing when he saw Max’s skateboard in her hand. He should’ve never called and dragged her into this, and now he had no choice but to let them both in. He gestured towards the couch, urging them to sit. They remained standing, though.

“What happened, kid?” Hopper asked, voice soft as if trying not to shake Steve up. He was surprised to hear the teenager so distraught over someone who hated him just weeks ago.

Steve glanced hesitantly at Max before looking back to Hop, biting his lip nervously. He would just have to leave some details out, for all of their sakes.

“Uh,” Steve cleared his throat, voice hoarse and throat dry. “When I woke up this morning, he was gone. He leaves when he needs some air or time alone, usually tells me before he goes. He didn’t tell me this time, didn’t leave a note or anything.” He couldn’t keep eye contact, so he focused on the floor beneath them. “I thought he’d be back by dinner, but now it’s almost eight and he’s still not back and I don’t know what to do. I can’t go after him ‘cause-” He paused, breath hitching. _‘Cause I told him I love him twice and I might’ve scared him off._

“‘Cause of what?” Hopper asked the question he and Max were wondering. 

Steve looked to the redhead for a second, worry written all over her freckled face. He figured she remained silent purposely, letting the adults talk and get the story out of the way before she asked any questions. He tried to open his mouth to answer Hop, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get any words out, not when Max was staring up at him expectantly.

“You love him.” Max quietly filled in the blank for him, ignoring Hopper’s questioning look, her chilling blue eyes locked on Steve’s sad brown. “You love him, right?” She spoke louder and clearer, encouraging him. She earned a small nod.

“I love him.” Steve repeated breathily as he choked on a sob, unwarranted tears spilling down onto his cheeks. “I told him last night. Told him _twice_ like a fucking _idiot_.” He shook his head. His chest still felt heavy and tight, but finally telling them was a huge relief on everyone’s part.

“Shit, kid.” Hopper sighed, watching as Max guided him to the couch, the two sitting down side by side. “Look, we know the boy has a tendency to run when shit gets hard. I’m sure he’ll turn up soon.” He sat down in the chair across from the teenagers. “But, until then, I’m staying right here, and I’m sure Red is too because if anyone can knock some sense into her brother’s head, it’s her.” He concluded, earning nods from the kids that sat before him.

“It’s _Max,_ ” she corrected. “Not _Red._ And he’s my _step_ brother. I know he’s my brother, but he insists on saying the step part, hates when I leave it out.” She rolled her eyes with a fond smile. “He’s an asshole about it, so until he’s ready to address me as _just_ his sister, we’re step siblings.” She looked up at Steve, hesitant before speaking again.

“He loves you too,” she assured. “He basically gushed about living with you when he called me - thanks for that, by the way. He told me you told him to call. - and I, just, knew, I guess.” She shrugged shyly, unsure if she should be telling him this. “We left California after Neil caught him with another boy. Things were good before that, but he was never the same after. He was always angry, mean. I think he blames himself for everything.” She frowned, cuddling into Steve’s side. “He sounded happy when he called. Sounded like when we lived in California.” She rested her head on Steve’s shoulder, searching for the brotherly comfort only Billy could provide.

Steve laid his head atop Max’s, stray tears leaving his eyes as he thanked her for talking to him. He glanced to Hopper, who was fuming, the same anger reading on his face as the night he called Steve down to the station. He then realized that he was never angry at Billy, but at Neil.

“Coffee?” Steve mumbled as he pulled away from Max. He figured it was going to be a long night and they all needed some caffeine. “And a Coke for Red.” He teased, ruffling the redhead’s hair before walking into the kitchen. 

He came out holding two mugs of coffee with a bottle of Coke tucked under his arm. He handed Hopper the cup of black coffee, figuring he wasn’t one to add heaps of cream and sugar like Steve. He gave Max the soda before he walked over to the window, staring outside. He took a sip of the coffee, sadly smiling as he remembered the first time Billy judged him for how he likes his coffee.

_Do you want some coffee with your cream and sugar, Princess?_

So, there he was, staring outside, hands trembling and legs wobbly as he waited for the Camaro’s roaring engine, for Billy to turn up and park in _his_ spot in Steve’s driveway. 

“He let me touch him.” Steve spoke softly about ten minutes later. They had all sat silently, sipping at their drinks while waiting for the boy they all loved and cared about in different ways to come back home. He repeats himself when Hop asks for clarification, because _touch_ can mean a majority of things.

“In the beginning, he didn’t let me touch him. He flinched and backed away, almost like he thought I was gonna hurt him.” He chuckled. It was ironic. “I figured it’s ‘cause of his dad,” he frowned. “He doesn’t let people - _guys_ touch him.” He clarified, keeping his back to the other two presences because he knew if he looked at them he would cry. So, he kept his gaze outside.

“Last night he let me touch him. He didn’t flinch or wince. He wasn’t angry or scared, he was happy,” he breathed out shakily. “‘Least I thought he was.” He mumbled. He didn’t expect an answer, didn’t really want one. He just wanted to get it off his chest, to make his love for this stupid blonde boy, with beautiful eyes that looked like the California beaches Steve silently pledged to take him to, known to the two people he trusted the most at that very moment.

“I love him.” Steve whispered, mostly to himself, but he didn’t care if the other two heard. 

“He told me he loves me too.” 

The brunette set the now half-empty and cold cup of coffee down, rubbing at his eyes. They felt tired and sore and he just wanted to go up to his bedroom and sleep then wake up with Billy beside him, holding him as if nothing happened. But, he couldn’t. Because Billy wasn’t there.

It was about midnight when Billy finally arrived. It was Max’s turn to stare out the window and wait for him. Hopper was sitting in the same spot, Steve was curled up on the couch, weakly hugging himself as he fought his sleep, a feeling all too familiar. 

“Steve,” Max called softly. “ _Steve_.” She hissed persistently. “I think I hear his car. Listen.” The already quiet room further silenced as they listened for the sound of the engine. And, to their delight, she was right, because a minute later the engine had cut off. Steve’s heart pounded through his chest as he listened to the car door shut, trying to prepare for when Billy walked through that door, unsure of what to expect. He let Max wait for him at the door. She deserved to see her brother first.

Steve and Hopper listened as the front door unlocked, watching as the door slowly swung open, almost as if Billy was trying to keep silent to not wake Steve, unaware of the guests. Billy jumped slightly when blue eyes landed on an unexpected duo in Steve’s living room.

“Max?” He frowned, growing protective. “It’s late, shitbird, what are you doing here?” 

It was clear he had been crying. His eyes and cheeks were red, the blue looked darker than normal. He didn’t have any bruises or cuts on his face or knuckles, though, and he didn’t reek of alcohol or weed, which was comforting.

Max rolled her eyes before she hugged her brother.“Waiting for you to get back,” she mumbled, pressing her face into his chest as he paused before returning the hug. 

“Well, I think that’s our cue.” Hopper sighed as he stood up, stretching sore limbs. He glanced over Steve, making sure the kid would be alright for the rest of the night. When he earned a nod from the teenager, he walked over to Max and Billy, waiting patiently for them to pull away. “Whenever you’re ready I’ll give you a ride home, Red.” He told the girl before looking up to her brother. 

Billy grew nervous as he looked up at Hop. The Chief had done so much for him - get him a place to sleep, arrested his father, and basically play matchmaker for him and Steve - and he seemed so ungrateful for it all by running away, but he didn’t know how to properly thank him.

“Glad you’re back, son.” Hop hesitated before patting Billy’s shoulder comfortingly, making his way outside to the car. Max followed Hopper soon after she and her brother exchanged some quiet murmurs.

“Don’t be stupid, Billy.” She stared at him fondly from the doorway, gesturing towards a distracted Steve before walking out, shutting the door behind her.

Billy looked at Steve, and the scene was heartbreaking. He was curled on the couch, knees to his chest as he hugged himself, the same way he hugged himself when he had nightmares, the same way he hugged himself when he and Billy had their argument and he hurt Steve, the same way he hugged himself when he was longing for comfort from someone who wasn’t there. 

_Billy wasn’t there._

“Was it too much?” Steve broke the silence, meeting sad, dark blue eyes with his tired brown. “Was _I_ too much?” He stood, arms remained loosely wrapped around himself.

“Stevie -” Billy sighed, stepping towards the boy, but stopped when he realized Steve had stepped back and away from him.

“Don’t - _don’t._ ” He shook his head. “Just tell me now if you don’t want this, if you don’t want _me._ I’ve been led on before and I won’t let it happen again. If you wanna leave, then leave.” He gestured towards the door. “If - if you don’t love me,” he inhaled a shaky breath. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks. “I can’t be around you if you don’t love me because I can’t not love you.” He took in a full breath of air, something he had been unable to do all night with a heavy chest, not realizing that Billy was now crying.

“You think I don’t love you?” He stepped towards the boy again, getting closer when Steve didn’t back away. 

“You left.” Steve was blunt. “ _You_ left.”

“Because I was _scared!_ ” And, fuck, he was crying. “You let me crash at your place, you cooked for me, you held me when I couldn’t sleep. God, Steve, you came in me - we fucking showered together - then you cleaned and cuddled with me ten minutes later!”

Steve took the moment Billy gave him to think, staring into those blue eyes for some sort of explanation, but he didn’t understand. 

“Billy, I don’t get it.” He felt so dumb, like he _should_ understand but he _didn’t_. “I thought that’s what you wanted? I thought it made you happy - made _us_ happy?”

“It did.” Billy’s eyes fell from Steve’s and to the floor, shaking his head. He paused before starting up again. “Stevie, I’m not wired to _be_ loved or to be _in_ love. I don’t - I don’t deserve it.”

Steve’s heart broke. _For Billy._

“No.” He closed the space between them, gently taking Billy’s damp face in his hands and tilting his head up. “Look at me.” He whispered, refusing to move or speak until their eyes were locked on each other. “You can’t stand there and say that you don’t deserve love. Billy, baby, listen to me. Please.” He whispered, thumbing over the blonde’s cheekbone. 

“There is no one who deserves to be loved and to be in love more than you. Your parents might’ve ingrained that thought into that pretty blonde head of yours,” he smiled sadly. “But there are people who love and care for you. Hopper told me that Joyce is always asking about you, asking if you’re doing okay. Joyce and Hop - they worry because they care about you. Your _sister,_ she loves you. Max would do anything for you. But she needs her brother first.” He gulped down the bump in his throat. “ _I_ love you. So much. You don’t even know how much I love you, Billy. It _hurts_ in the best way.” Honey brown searched ocean blue once again, making sure that Billy was listening to his words, accepting them.

“I love you too.” All Billy could do was utter that out in a soft whisper. He knew if he tried to talk, he’d cry, and both of them had done enough of that tonight. 

Steve initiated the hug, pulling Billy into his arms. He pressed soft kisses to the pool of blonde curls, his red cheeks, and, finally, his lips that were now red and plump due to nervously biting at it. They took a moment to collect themselves, wipe each other’s cheeks, their sniffles and small laughs blocking the haunting silence.

“I got you something.” Billy dug into his pocket, pulling out a silver ring, similar to the one on his left middle finger. He grabbed Steve’s right hand and slid it onto his middle finger.

“It’s the other ring in the set. My mom gave it to me before she left, told me to save it for someone special when I got older.” He rubbed his thumb over the ring on the brunette’s finger.

“Billy,” Steve sighed. “You don’t -” he paused, shook his head, then decided to not fight it. “Thank you. I love it.” He smiled warmly, taking Billy’s left hand in his right, intertwining their fingers. “I forgot you’re a lefty, it’s cute.” He grinned as the blonde rolled his eyes. 

“Shut up, pretty boy. I only gave you that ring ‘cause you’re my boyfriend,” he paused, a flash of smug and confidence all over his face. “And I wanna feel the ring when you’re fingering me.” He grinned, proud of himself for being able to fluster Steve so much with such little words.

“Okay, first of all, gross.” Steve grimaced before laughing. “Your boyfriend? I’m your boyfriend?” His cheeks were crimson as he smiled hopefully.

“Yeah, but I’m not yours.” He teased.

“What? Why?” Steve asked, confused. Sometimes, he couldn't tell when Billy was joking or not.

“‘Cause you didn’t ask.” Billy stated matter of factly.

“Neither did you. You just, like, claimed me. That’s not fair.” Steve was whining and pouting, rolling his eyes at the way Billy thumbed at the bruises on his neck with a _I sure did, Princess._

“Fuck you, Hargrove. Will you be my boyfriend?” He fluttered his big brown eyes, staring lovingly into baby blues.

“I would love that, Harrington.” Billy smiled warmly, not addressing if he’d love the fucking or being his boyfriend, but Steve took it.

Steve took hold of his _boyfriend’s_ hand once again, kissing him deeply. He chuckled as Billy chased the kiss once he pulled away.

“Can we please go get some sleep?” Steve whispered against his boyfriend’s lips, smiling when he received a nod in response.

_He fingered Billy with the ring on._

**Author's Note:**

> men in rings ugh <3
> 
> comment n leave a kudos if u want :)) 
> 
> i have a [tumblr](https://psychdelia.tumblr.com/)


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